I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
