How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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