U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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