Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
