i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
