She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
