Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
ttyl tear gas
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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