I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
