I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
