this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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