he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
