I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
