We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I am naked and annoyed.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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