I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
