My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
