I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
