Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
