Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
