You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
