Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
we're so committed to being not committed
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
