either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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