Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
