Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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