new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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