P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
