ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
