So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
