Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
