the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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