I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
