dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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