Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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