is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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