headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
