My cat gives me a boner
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
