Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
