It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
