Someone shit on the floor
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Boobs are out for the taking
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
