I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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