i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
