the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
