So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
