All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
