We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
