Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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