i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
