I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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