just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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