Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
