I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
