i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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