you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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