Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize