I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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